NANACARTER LAA.

Hello, hello!
Deana sudah malas nak lepak lah ):
I'll be a goodgirl from now onwards, okay.
Sudah taknak "ton", taknak buat kecoh-reboh di luar sana.
Pleeeeease la, I hope mommy changes her mind of going ~there~ on Friday.
I really don't want to go in there tau peoples.
And I sooooooo won't!
FYI, tak qualified lah aku nak masuk girls' home.
Tomorrow, I won't be going Japanese Garden for the walk-a-thon thingy because I am lazy.
It's been 3 days since Mr Anand came school. Whoa, peaceful baby (Y)
I hope he's on some holidays to relax his mind or something, haaaaa!
Why am I so happy? I don't know man, maybe it's because Mr Anand never come to school.
I really hope he doesn't attend school on Friday itself.
Then by then, I'd be enjoying my holidays forever, ever, ever.
Sekolah buka, dia sudah lupa^^
I hope.
Well maybe running away from my problem ain't going to help... Sighs.
Anyhoo, Epul told me something.

No one is worth your tears; and the one that's worth won't make u cry.

He told me that, because I shared with him about my boyfriend.
Yes, I cried. Even today in class, I almost cried.
I can't bear to lose boyfriend. Boyfriend sent me a message saying, "I cried because of you. I can't bear to lose you. I don't want you to go in. Please change for my sake." At least something like that.
Well love, for your information, I don't want to lose you either. Everyday, I keep reminding you.
I love you, never want to lose you. But still, there's this doubt in me that keeps my confidence running low.
Happy, sad, angry, happy, sad, angry. Those are my feelings everyday.
If i'm happy, it's because of a minor thing. I still have the sadness in me.
I smile, because I don't want people to know that I'm suffering deep inside.
If you guys go, "Abeh kau blog pasal kau sedih tu kenapa?",
I'll say, "Because this is my blog, where I can express my feelings."
Since my councellor, Mrs Alfred, is busy these days, I only have my blog and me, to think of whatever I have done.
I really don't want to go in there. Bashed up, lesbians maybe? I don't even want to look at the face of Aminah Khairah. That butch.
I'm happy living my life this way, I keep out of trouble, etc.
But problem is,
Whenever I start to change, people surrounding me start to bring up my past problems and make me very confused and ill.
Especially school's DM, Mr Anand. He brings me DOWN to the CORE. His words, is like a sharp blade cutting through my heart. Not only that, he is a phsycho. Seriously.
He told me once, that for not pinning up my frindge, I can get suspended for not potraying a good image of my school.
Then if that's the case, can I say, "If you teach me, and I never understand, can I sue you?"
Ridiculous.
I swear I hate my school's DM. Even if I sweet-talk him sometimes, to win his heart, I guess it's just a freaking waste of time. He doesn't realise the little bits that I do to change myself.
Because why, he wants things to go all perfectly.
Eh, you think I can change just like that in a snap, how you want it?
Hello, you've gotta give me time. Am I right, readers?
You bring me down like you're stepping on an ant, just by your words, do you know that?
Now THAT'S what's stopping me from changing.
It makes me think this way of myself,
"Oh, since Mr Anand thinks of me that way, I cannot change."
"Oh, I am too bad. Nobody will believe that I will change."
"Oh, I still don't understand the rules of JVS. I cannot be in school."
Those craps go into my mind, but I still have that little hope in me that...
I WILL CHANGE.
Even my own sister thinks I'm a minah rep.
You think you're SO PERFECT, girl?
Here I am trying to change, while everyone shoots the bullet on me.
So what if I'm a minah rep to you, it's your perception, not the others.
You ask me questions nicely, I answer your questions nicely.
You talk satsat with me, I talk satsat with you.
You speak rudely, I answer rudely.
Fair, ain't it?
You call me a minahrep, I show you one.
You call me a bitch, I show you one.
Countless times, my own blood sister calls me a bitch.
Tell me, readers, whoever of your sisters call you a bitch? Tell me!
Who's sister always tells you, "Perangai dah lah macam taik*. Do all those dirty stuffs at such a young age!" (attitude like shit*)
Good what, I do all this at a young age. Rather than I do it when I'm old like you.
I'd LEARN FROM MY LESSONS.
I'm a lady of my words. If I say I'll change, give me time.
Logically, if you call me a bitch, I'm no dog.
If you call me a minah rep, well that I cannot say anything ah.
I don't dress like one but I do kind of talk like one.
Okay, stop.

CHANGE TOPIC!
I'm chatting with Fais, a friend on msn. He's making my life easier now.
He told me that first offence of _____, usually they will give a warning.
Whoa, how relieved am I. I swear I won't do such things ever again!
Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, I'm so relieved.
Bye!
Xoxo, Deana.
P/S I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND \m/

Labels: amin